Why do I feel like that?
0 Comments Published by grumbly_mon on Sunday, October 22, 2006 at 9:44 PM.
For what, I do not know.
I just feel very unhappy, deep inside. Neither am I pissed nor am I angry. I'm feeling very uneasy. I think I care a lot. I think I mind it a lot. I think I feel those weird, weird emotions. And.. i think I'm jealous.
Really I'm.
Somehow, I don't like my attitude towards life and, how I treat people. I tend to 'use' people. I know it's true and I won't deny that. I admit, here and right now. For example, I use people to treat me things. I use people to buy things for me. I use people to do things for me. I use people to help out and attend my cca things. In a way, I use whoever, who is useful to me. I do sound mean and bad.
I know that.
All along, I always feel that only I have the rights to call all shots. Also, I assume that only I can command and demand people to do things, according to my wishes. But.. i was wrong. And the worst thing was, I didn't even know that I was wrong. I'm not saying that I'm a failure. I'm just picturing myself in my own life. I'm just elaborating to myself.
That's all.
Since young, I have been loved by all walks of life. The elders praised me for being guai, polite and filial. All my cousins flocked to me when I went back to Malaysia for visit. I have many friends. I also have many guy and girl friends, too. I have always been lucky and happy.
Normally, I don't fall for people. I rather people fall for me, instead. I don't have magic powers to alter anything in life. I'm just an ordinary and simple girl. I'm a human being, only. However so, I never like the feeling of people leaving me. It's just so complicated to explain so.
Let's skip that.
Right now, I just feel something's amiss. And.. seriously, I don't like that feeling. It's like a bit of betrayal. I know that I sound rather exaggerating. But, I'm really feeling outside inside now. I really feel 'not happy'. I can't say more. If not, he will know. But, I think I'm really selfish and greedy. We are not even together. And, he's not the one I really like. Yet, I still have those bitchy thoughts. I think I really ought to shut them out.
I have to zone down them.
Why can't I just be a better person? Why must I go and feel like that? I will be fine after a few days. I pray that I will be. I really do.
Jealousy is a most hatred feeling.
I know that.
Don't ask why.
I just feel very unhappy, deep inside. Neither am I pissed nor am I angry. I'm feeling very uneasy. I think I care a lot. I think I mind it a lot. I think I feel those weird, weird emotions. And.. i think I'm jealous.
Really I'm.
Somehow, I don't like my attitude towards life and, how I treat people. I tend to 'use' people. I know it's true and I won't deny that. I admit, here and right now. For example, I use people to treat me things. I use people to buy things for me. I use people to do things for me. I use people to help out and attend my cca things. In a way, I use whoever, who is useful to me. I do sound mean and bad.
I know that.
All along, I always feel that only I have the rights to call all shots. Also, I assume that only I can command and demand people to do things, according to my wishes. But.. i was wrong. And the worst thing was, I didn't even know that I was wrong. I'm not saying that I'm a failure. I'm just picturing myself in my own life. I'm just elaborating to myself.
That's all.
Since young, I have been loved by all walks of life. The elders praised me for being guai, polite and filial. All my cousins flocked to me when I went back to Malaysia for visit. I have many friends. I also have many guy and girl friends, too. I have always been lucky and happy.
Normally, I don't fall for people. I rather people fall for me, instead. I don't have magic powers to alter anything in life. I'm just an ordinary and simple girl. I'm a human being, only. However so, I never like the feeling of people leaving me. It's just so complicated to explain so.
Let's skip that.
Right now, I just feel something's amiss. And.. seriously, I don't like that feeling. It's like a bit of betrayal. I know that I sound rather exaggerating. But, I'm really feeling outside inside now. I really feel 'not happy'. I can't say more. If not, he will know. But, I think I'm really selfish and greedy. We are not even together. And, he's not the one I really like. Yet, I still have those bitchy thoughts. I think I really ought to shut them out.
I have to zone down them.
Why can't I just be a better person? Why must I go and feel like that? I will be fine after a few days. I pray that I will be. I really do.
Jealousy is a most hatred feeling.
I know that.
Don't ask why.
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