smallminded;

I just had a long, nice talk with Mother. Thank you.

Yesterday, the 2 of us nearly got run down by a van. It was such a close shave. Oh man.. I promised to look left and right, even when I'm crossing a green light. Handphones are never a gadget to use. It will pose danger, indirectly.

I bear that in mind.

Forever.

Recently, I seem to have lost control of myself. My heart overcame my mind. But, I'm indifferent this time round. I'm not going to be like the old - me in the past. Now, I'm picking myself up from where I fall. Afterall, this is life. Why should I ruin it's reputation like this?

Aha.

These days, almost everybody around me my were talking about their boyfriends or girlfriends. Couples just seemingly have to occupy everywhere's atmosphere. One snift and there they will be. And.. Suddenly, I felt this acute loneliness. This is rare. I never really used to bother about it. In fact, I couldn't careless. I'm used to independence.

But today, I realised how stubborn my heart was. It's been so long, and I'm still pinning away for that particular person. Actually, 'pinning' isn't exactly the word I would use. I jolly know very well that the sky has a better chance of turning green and crashing down than anything ever happening. Nothing is perfect. All good things will eventually come to an end.

So.. I never expected anything. Can you imagine? Having your heart so caught up with something that nothing else matters? Having to yearn a person who make you unique? To change a life so much simply by your presence, and you didn't know the extent of it? I guess one will never know how much that is.

Oh well, that's in the past. Ah heck it..

Somehow, my lost thoughts diffuse together to clog up my mind. Thus, this entry has no particular connection to the title. They are neither insights, nor interesting observations. But.. They are merely just my ramblings, while I'm dreaming in my drowning world. Words are amazing. Isn't it?

Honestly, I'm never happy in my polytechnic life. Not even once. I shall not probe much here. This closing semester brings about 1 and a haf year. How time flies.. I still remember myself as the initially curious and active girl. I actually look forward to this brand new style of education.

Perhaps I'm being too judgemental.

Or rather I might be wrong. Who knows?

Nevertheless, I still get a chance to meet nice fellow buddies. Birds need not fly if their wings are broken. They can hop around, though. I have few friends here. Yet, I'm happy. I'm not so greedy. Only the quality matters to me. I stood up at the highest part. I'm obliged to give this place to others, too. It does not really matter.

These few days, I have old boyfriends contacting me. They wanted to patch up. For a moment, I couldn't even remember how they look like. Also, I thought of the olden days. Indeed, I have matured and grown much. I gave myself a thumb's down and ignored those messages. Someday, somehow, one will definitely meet their destined ones.

I believe.

Just now, I cried for an hour or so, too. Weariness really tore me through. I'm bruised tatteredly all over now. I felt weak. I began to question myself as well. How have I lead my life all these while? Is it going to be meaningful in the future, too?

I have no comments. It has been a deception. As far as I know, there is nothing good or bad. It's our attitudes which decides all. It's like all our dream can come true only if we have the courage to pursue them. Till then, our principles must be eternal. The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.

Oneday.

I will.

Actually, I don't even know what I'm talking now. I just know I'm very scared. That's all. What if there's nobody to walk through the darkness with me? I'm really petrified of everything. What am I to do?

Thunder, lightning or pain, I'm just ain't ready for.

Not now, I guess.