smallminded;

"You shouldn't have lied."

"Why?"

"You just couldn't 'cos you're in no position to do so."

Sometimes, I hate you to the core. Really. Why must you always do this to me? Why are you hitting me down when I'm already approaching the ending point? Why do you stop me from achieving my goals? Why must I listen to you? Where are you when I'm suffering? Why can't you let me, once in a while?

Honestly, I never know the real meaning of 'hatred'. All I know is.. It's a mixed feeling nobody ever wants to get. I have long put revenges and desires off my back. But, why? Why do you keep making me think of them, again? Why must you turn me into such a monster? What did I do to deserve this?

I'm really shagged. I'm on the nerve of breaking. I really, really don't know what else to do. People think I'm mad. I'm tagged with the weird labels. 'Cos of you?

I'm dead. I wished to hear no more. I just yearn for peace and silence. I'm never going to welcome you with open arms. I want you completely out of my life. Forever. These days have passed by, fast. In a short, 18 years. Isn't this enough?

So what if you emerge wisdom from experience? Will you be happy? Are you happy, now? I absolutely don't think so. Somehow, you are just this pathetic, little creature. You don't have all the care and concern you ought to have. Everybody shun you like hell. Nobody like you, at all. Don't you feel ashamed? Please.. Just go away.

You don''t work for good causes. You always want to be the centre of everything. You need people's attentions, seriously. If not, I think you will die. You are nothing but a - clown. You know what that means? You really do?

Those irrelevant pursuits are drifting you away from reality. You have changed. Today, you bear nothing but hindrance. You have lost your identify. You are no longer one of us. You are you. You are not us, anymore. Like I say.. If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, stop thinking about it.

Often, you say you will think about it. Yet, you seem to be stuck forever. You have no idea to do anything. All you does all day is to follow people blindly. Why did you choose to be led by the nose? You are such a pain. I looked down on you.

Why?

Please be awake. Pretty please. I need you to be yourself , again. Not that yourself, but this yourself. You really need to grow up. You have to be independent. You need to stand on your own. You can't follow. You need to lead youself. Only you can pick yourself up, again. Do you understand? Do you hear? Do you hear? Do you?

This is not enough. All the things you said.. You should hear this. You should see them. You should judge things, yourself. Ok? I know you can. Maybe you just need a little more time? I really hope you get my message. I want you to grow up, now. Now..

Things happen for good causes. I suppose God has his plans for everybody. One has to make decisions in their lifes. They have to decide things for themselves. You are no exception. I know many things are easier said than done. Still, there's room for improvement. In my opinion, if I can, I can. I'm looking positive now. So..

Life is the most interesting game human beings play and how it ends is anybody's guess. Happy endings, unhappy endings, and those which go on in an aimless sort of way and fade into nothingless. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and sometimes, you are at a stalemate. Hence, life is always a fair-and-square situation. Almost like a game of noughts and crosses, which perhaps could be symbolically represented by hearts and crosses.

Words can bring you down. But, no matter what they say/are, you are beautiful in your own ways. Just remember this. Mark in words into my own heart. Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.

Good luck.