smallminded;

Dear,

How are you?

It has been a long time since I talked to you, again. Life has been 'great' for me. I have been through what I ought to know. That strong, sudden urge is not there, anymore. Perhaps.. I have grown up, finally.

After all, life is not just all about love. There are indeed, many other things to purse in one's life. Thank you so much. I'm happy that I know you. Everything was so nice, then. What you left has imprinted me. I am a duplicate of you. Time has yet prove me wrong.

I am still feeling tired. Do you know so many things have happened all these while? You weren't with. But, it's alright. I'm used to it, anymore. I just feel like getting things all off my chest, that's all. I'm not thinking too much. No worries then. I'm just ok.

Honestly, I get what you mean. What is not yours, will never be yours. I'm still like before; a naive and wilful little girl. No.. I'm a woman now. Remember I have evolved already, ya? Haha. In my opinion, sweet things should only be kept short and simple. I have always been like this. No wonder I lost many of my friends and hurt tons of purest hearts.

But, why? Why do I still like this, now? Why am I abusing my freedom to torture others? I'm such a failure. Maybe.. I really deserved all the miseries, right now. I'm just so tired. When can I ever get to have a rest? I seriously need it can. Oh..

I used to think that I loved you a lot. In the end, I was wrong. I cannot even differentiate the true feelings of mine. I'm just so terrible. I used to think of death everyday when you leave me. In the end, I woke up. Life is not all just about love. I don't need to envy others. I used to dream of being with you. In the end, I realised that heaven and earth can never meet. That's why it's impossible.

I really know what I'm supposed to do, now. Sometimes, I still kind of miss you, too. It's just a typical missing taste of someone whom I know for a very long time. What's gone can never be found back, once more. I really learnt that. It made me went through a lot.

Right now, I appreciate the silence of life. I love the sounds of nature and wails of the seas. It made me find back myself, and be satisified with happiness. I'm not like a battering ram, as compared to back then. I'm back to myself.. I hope you are happy, also.

Sometimes, I still get steamed up. Occasionally, I become indifferent, too. Nevertheless, I'm learning. Like before, I just need the time; kindly more of them please. According to Astrology And Horoscopes, I often give the impression of being very self-confident but yet, I'm not. My appearance is capable of fooling the public, 'cos I'm just as insecure as others and a liitle bit better at covering my plastic mask up.

I admit I'm. I'm not good at deceit or pretence.

I'm just a human; a normal one. So.. I'm just a selfish brat at times. I'm really an extremely competitive woman. I get on people's nerve easily. I did stupid and, silly things and as such. I cannot be led or compelled but, easily deceived or seduced. This sounds ironic, though. Whatever it is, I just need to do my job as a human properly will do. It's certainly more than enough.

I had lots of conflicts and disputes with many people. But, I do care and mind a lot. It's just that I pretend I don't.. 'Cos I don't how to pretend I do. I'm grateful to true, sincere friends who are there for me. Being there does not really mean there physically. It can be in various forms. You know I know can le. At least, I know you first.

I'm grateful to boys who like or love me. But sadly to say, I don't. They are just boys, small ones.

Maybe I have yet attained that maturity level, now. Or rather, I still prefer you? I don't like the feeling of rejection. It means people turn you down 'cos of other reasons. It makes one hurt, disappoined, sad and angry. I know. I really do. But, I have no choice, either. Maybe relationships need planning I suppose.

Actually, till today, I'm still lacking in tons of confidence. I always lose myself 'cos I don't trust myself. i always have this feeling that people are always looking at me, be it in school, work or when I'm walking out onto streets. I really don't know why.

There seem to have eyes wandering all about me, from head to toe. Maybe I'm too paranoid, I guess? I want to be a better person. I can be one I believe. I just need more time, seriously. I decided to talk less and think more. Success is not a matter of words. It is a built up of courage, determination, efforts and personal self. I know I can.

I will be a better woman, for myself.

Lastly, I still love you and, please bless my family while you are up there. I'm really very happy then when we are together. It's ok we are not meant to be. I will find and be happier with someone in the future. Still, I treasured and engraved those memories deep inside me. I'm locking my heart, now.

Be in peace.