Last night, someone comment my entries are too boring.
Now, I will rant on something else then. Let me introduce myself a little. Well, I never thought that my life would be interesting. Anyway, I do find myself becoming boring. But.. It's alright, to me.
Honestly, I have nothing much to say. An ordinary person's life is just as usual. Every morning, I will wake up and then go school. After that, I will either go for meeting or training, and go home. It's a bit boring, though. Nothing much to read about, too.
I'm a teochew. I don't really know how to speak. But.. I know how to hear this dialect very well. So it's like very funny when I often hear other aunties or uncles talking. I'm not trying to eavesdrop hor. I'm not a KPO, either. It's just that I happen to always hear people talk ma. I know how to speak Hokkien too. Cantonese only a bit. 'Cos I think working long hours in dim sum restaurant can make one smarter too.
Lol.
In school, I will just attend lectures and tutorials without fail be it rain or shine. I'm classified under today's modern society - guai category. I don't mind being called names, or what. I just don't like to be absent for any lessons. Furthermore, the fees are so expensive. It will be such a waste if I ponteng like others do. I never allow myself to be led by the nose and walk. I don't follow people blindly.
My academic grades are like so-so. Up till now, the best GPA is only 3.2. I have yet catch up. Like before, I regret coming to a polyechnic. I wanted to go to a junior colledge. And.. The main reason is I didn't do well for my O levels. I also chose the wrong course to study.
Let me see. "Logistics Management". Sounds nice and cool, huh? That's the priority cause why I chose it. Somehow, it becomes the joke of the day. But, I don't deny that. Honestly, I didn't know what course to choose in a polytechnic. 'Cos I have absolutely no idea what my interests are. If you know me enough, you will know how paranoid and fickle-minded I am.
And that's what I am now, still.
However, I understand that the decision is final and I respect God's decision for that. At that time, I was still a christian. Not really say a devoted and strong one, but I still praise God everyday. It was a miracle to know God. HE shows and guides me through my darkest times from my primary to seocndary school days. HE moulds me into what I am today. But sadly to say, I decided to stop following him.
Today, I am a toaist. I have to share my parents' religion. Actually, I don't mind at all. 'Cos I believed only sincerity has the best soultion to all faiths. Right now, I'm too commited to afford any other beliefs. I don't wish to get involved.
We know, you see.
Oh ya.. I have a father who dotes on me a lot. A mother who loves my everything. Though she likes to nag and scold me everyday, I know she's always there for me. In addition, I have 2 brothers who maple almost 24 hours a day. One older, one younger. They are mad, hot-tempered, silly, spoilt brats, petty and irritating. Yet, they are still my best friends. We know how to care for and love each other. Indeed, I'm very fortunate to be in this family.
Unlike friends, some always say they will forever be there for you. But.. As you know, it's all just yet, another convenient excuse. It's easier to be said than done. The moral now is, never say or promise something you can never really do. If not, your beloved ones will be hurt. I do commit this offence. But I suppose I have changed for the better, now.
In life, I don't really have much friends. I'm both an emotional and sensitive being. Sometimes, I think too much. And when I do so, I will become angry deep inside. Normally, I will keep things to myself. I don't want others to know too much about myself. I don't like people to try to think that they understand me a lot. In actual fact, they don't like. Even for myself, I don't really understand myself, much. Sometimes, I will be lost in that drowning world of mine, too. Nobody knows.
Ever since the first lesson I told myself, I will start to be a better girl. I don't want to be like before. I will not use cursed and condemn words like before. I will not grumble too much. I will learn to accept things for what they are. I told myself too, over and over again. Always. I really just want to be a liitle bit better than before. I just have to.
Sometimes, I really hate living in this world. Life's like just one darn thing then we die. It's never a smooth sailing. What to do? What to do?
Actually, I don't find myself attractive at all. Somehow, I'm just a plain Jane. I have neither the looks nor brains or figure. But, I'm happy the way I am now. I won't do anything to change. That's how I'm. My parents gave me this face and build.
I'm neither tall nor thin or fat nor thin. I'm just an average girl with average looks. Ops, I like to stress my words man. No worry, I will buck up and stay cheerful like the old me. Honestly, I think I got big face and nose. My eyes are so small can. And, I got many pimples so my face complexion not good. I think my legs are long but I just can't grow any further. I have heavy bones. Thus, I look fat with those pig's trutters. Muscles are also all around. Haha. My father always say lo. Also.. I got a big, big butt; fatter than my mother's. I don't really have hair on my hands and legs. But, the area around my fingers and toe nails are hairy! Looks like a catfish's barbels. Overall, I find myself got a bit of figure. It's just that I never know how to dress myself up.
Oneday, I will know la. Now, I got no money to doll myself.
That day, I just took out every letters I have ever received in my life. From both sexes. I read through some of them and thought about this. I really used to have a wide circle of friends. Next, I ransacked the whole gift box and found many, many presents I got since the past. Several have got spiderwebs. I even noticed some of them are things I used to like. I didn't really take notice that people actually buy things I want. I didn't even bother to open up those presents. Now then I remember having throw some of them away into the bins, back then.
Even so, in life, I still meet many boys and girls. Till today, I rather have people to like me then to I go and like other people. Perhaps I sound too shameless. But, I'm just saying. I used to think that love is a game. In the past, I used to yearn to be in a relationship. I want people to care and love me. I want to taste the feeling of happiness. Girls confessed to me. Boys told me that they liked me.
But.. What do they really know? How could you love someone whom you barely know? how could you allow guys to touch you all around? How could you have sex before you get married? How could you like somebody of the same sex as you?
I simply have too many burning doubts deep inside. Maybe I'm a good and nice person. That's why people like me ba. Or rather, I have an excellent fate with people. Oh well.. All I wish for is to ask people to stop wasting time on relationships. To me, studies are my top priorities now.
I have no more to ask for.
One friend is more than enough for me. At least I'm something in someone's heart. At least I really got a best buddy in this world. At least I have a happy family. At least I'm still alive and kicking. At least I have what others don't have.
When I thought that I am nothing, someone will give me everything. When I thought that I was dying, someone will go and rescue me. When I thought that I was stupid, someone will knock me to my senses. When I thought that I was fat, someone will say there I go again. When I thought I was sad, someone will cheer me up relentlessly.
I'm contented, already.
Now, I will rant on something else then. Let me introduce myself a little. Well, I never thought that my life would be interesting. Anyway, I do find myself becoming boring. But.. It's alright, to me.
Honestly, I have nothing much to say. An ordinary person's life is just as usual. Every morning, I will wake up and then go school. After that, I will either go for meeting or training, and go home. It's a bit boring, though. Nothing much to read about, too.
I'm a teochew. I don't really know how to speak. But.. I know how to hear this dialect very well. So it's like very funny when I often hear other aunties or uncles talking. I'm not trying to eavesdrop hor. I'm not a KPO, either. It's just that I happen to always hear people talk ma. I know how to speak Hokkien too. Cantonese only a bit. 'Cos I think working long hours in dim sum restaurant can make one smarter too.
Lol.
In school, I will just attend lectures and tutorials without fail be it rain or shine. I'm classified under today's modern society - guai category. I don't mind being called names, or what. I just don't like to be absent for any lessons. Furthermore, the fees are so expensive. It will be such a waste if I ponteng like others do. I never allow myself to be led by the nose and walk. I don't follow people blindly.
My academic grades are like so-so. Up till now, the best GPA is only 3.2. I have yet catch up. Like before, I regret coming to a polyechnic. I wanted to go to a junior colledge. And.. The main reason is I didn't do well for my O levels. I also chose the wrong course to study.
Let me see. "Logistics Management". Sounds nice and cool, huh? That's the priority cause why I chose it. Somehow, it becomes the joke of the day. But, I don't deny that. Honestly, I didn't know what course to choose in a polytechnic. 'Cos I have absolutely no idea what my interests are. If you know me enough, you will know how paranoid and fickle-minded I am.
And that's what I am now, still.
However, I understand that the decision is final and I respect God's decision for that. At that time, I was still a christian. Not really say a devoted and strong one, but I still praise God everyday. It was a miracle to know God. HE shows and guides me through my darkest times from my primary to seocndary school days. HE moulds me into what I am today. But sadly to say, I decided to stop following him.
Today, I am a toaist. I have to share my parents' religion. Actually, I don't mind at all. 'Cos I believed only sincerity has the best soultion to all faiths. Right now, I'm too commited to afford any other beliefs. I don't wish to get involved.
We know, you see.
Oh ya.. I have a father who dotes on me a lot. A mother who loves my everything. Though she likes to nag and scold me everyday, I know she's always there for me. In addition, I have 2 brothers who maple almost 24 hours a day. One older, one younger. They are mad, hot-tempered, silly, spoilt brats, petty and irritating. Yet, they are still my best friends. We know how to care for and love each other. Indeed, I'm very fortunate to be in this family.
Unlike friends, some always say they will forever be there for you. But.. As you know, it's all just yet, another convenient excuse. It's easier to be said than done. The moral now is, never say or promise something you can never really do. If not, your beloved ones will be hurt. I do commit this offence. But I suppose I have changed for the better, now.
In life, I don't really have much friends. I'm both an emotional and sensitive being. Sometimes, I think too much. And when I do so, I will become angry deep inside. Normally, I will keep things to myself. I don't want others to know too much about myself. I don't like people to try to think that they understand me a lot. In actual fact, they don't like. Even for myself, I don't really understand myself, much. Sometimes, I will be lost in that drowning world of mine, too. Nobody knows.
Ever since the first lesson I told myself, I will start to be a better girl. I don't want to be like before. I will not use cursed and condemn words like before. I will not grumble too much. I will learn to accept things for what they are. I told myself too, over and over again. Always. I really just want to be a liitle bit better than before. I just have to.
Sometimes, I really hate living in this world. Life's like just one darn thing then we die. It's never a smooth sailing. What to do? What to do?
Actually, I don't find myself attractive at all. Somehow, I'm just a plain Jane. I have neither the looks nor brains or figure. But, I'm happy the way I am now. I won't do anything to change. That's how I'm. My parents gave me this face and build.
I'm neither tall nor thin or fat nor thin. I'm just an average girl with average looks. Ops, I like to stress my words man. No worry, I will buck up and stay cheerful like the old me. Honestly, I think I got big face and nose. My eyes are so small can. And, I got many pimples so my face complexion not good. I think my legs are long but I just can't grow any further. I have heavy bones. Thus, I look fat with those pig's trutters. Muscles are also all around. Haha. My father always say lo. Also.. I got a big, big butt; fatter than my mother's. I don't really have hair on my hands and legs. But, the area around my fingers and toe nails are hairy! Looks like a catfish's barbels. Overall, I find myself got a bit of figure. It's just that I never know how to dress myself up.
Oneday, I will know la. Now, I got no money to doll myself.
That day, I just took out every letters I have ever received in my life. From both sexes. I read through some of them and thought about this. I really used to have a wide circle of friends. Next, I ransacked the whole gift box and found many, many presents I got since the past. Several have got spiderwebs. I even noticed some of them are things I used to like. I didn't really take notice that people actually buy things I want. I didn't even bother to open up those presents. Now then I remember having throw some of them away into the bins, back then.
Even so, in life, I still meet many boys and girls. Till today, I rather have people to like me then to I go and like other people. Perhaps I sound too shameless. But, I'm just saying. I used to think that love is a game. In the past, I used to yearn to be in a relationship. I want people to care and love me. I want to taste the feeling of happiness. Girls confessed to me. Boys told me that they liked me.
But.. What do they really know? How could you love someone whom you barely know? how could you allow guys to touch you all around? How could you have sex before you get married? How could you like somebody of the same sex as you?
I simply have too many burning doubts deep inside. Maybe I'm a good and nice person. That's why people like me ba. Or rather, I have an excellent fate with people. Oh well.. All I wish for is to ask people to stop wasting time on relationships. To me, studies are my top priorities now.
I have no more to ask for.
One friend is more than enough for me. At least I'm something in someone's heart. At least I really got a best buddy in this world. At least I have a happy family. At least I'm still alive and kicking. At least I have what others don't have.
When I thought that I am nothing, someone will give me everything. When I thought that I was dying, someone will go and rescue me. When I thought that I was stupid, someone will knock me to my senses. When I thought that I was fat, someone will say there I go again. When I thought I was sad, someone will cheer me up relentlessly.
I'm contented, already.
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