smallminded;

The most difficult thing is.. trying not to forget who you really want to be.


Mirror my desires

"No."

"But, why? I mean.. Just a NO would be quite a pity."

"So what?"

Honestly, I don't give a damn. I just have to put all irrelevancy behind my mind. If not, I will collapse. I simply can't afford anymore space. I'm just broke.. I'm left with nothing, now. I will still continue to walk. And this time round, I'm alone.

Nevertheless, I'm not scared.

It's not as if I will die. I can live without any dependant. In the past, I used to be the weaker type. I simply just can't take all the minor blows. Moreover, the major ones. That's the main reason I got defeated, then. But, every story has a new lead to begin, too. I will be the one to start this life's tale. I will not fall like others. I can jump with my own faith and will.

Somehow, Hao's departure made me learnt something. I can't possibly give up evrything, overnight. I had to stand on my own. I had to accept things for what they are; facts will never lie. Also, I must to understand the faces of people around me. 'Cos I ain't better myself, either. All things are possible. If you tell yourself you can do it, I believe you will. Eventually. Although I often find myself contradicting, but this belief has never drift apart. To me, I cherished every lessons I need to cope. My heart has never flew off from my future. I bear that in mind.

Sometimes, it's really you lose some, you venture some. Actually, I will be lying through my teeth blindly if I say I'm not filled with regrets for the things I had done back then. Deep inside, I still had thorns all over. I'm battered bitterly. It's a tremendous pain to lose all your so-called friends overnight. Again, you see? It's just a matter of 'overnight'. I really lose out lots. But.. I don't mind at all.

At least, I'm more independent now. I get to know people who are unique. In my own world, speciality has to be of a certain level. I'm just - happy. Since young, I don't really have any special interest or talent. 'Cos I'm always a fickle-minded girl.

All I know is that, I like Mathematics a lot. I'm not good in that. Eh.. Perhaps just a small range of sectors only? I'm not well-versed or cultivated in music, writings, sociability and as such. I'm just like what I always phrased, - an ordinary plain Jane. I just like to do things that I like. I can fall for things, easily.

I used to think love is a great thing. But.. Now? Not anymore. One will really need to consider carefully. Can you imagine just one single step you take is enough to kill? A guy might commit suicide if a girl rejects him. Guys fight among one another, just to get the girl of his dream. Parents disapprove and couples elope. Sounds dramatic huh? Yet, it's the incredible truth. It's just always something people hate to listen to.

Boys will always be boys. Girls will always be girls. They are not matured. Nobody will. Age doesn't really matter. It's just so.. Right now, there are really so many things for us to picture. Say it. Admit it. Please don't deny it. Oh well.

Ever heard this? "Don't say you love me. You don't even know me. If you really want me, then give me some time. Don't go there baby, not before I'm ready. Don't say your heart's in a hurry. It's not like we're gonna get married. Give me, give me some time.".

Moral: Nowadays, relationships don't really last. People hit on one another after knowing each other without months, shortly. Sex is common. It's just so. People go easy on characters and personalities. What matters most is - looks. That's unfair to the norm. Guys like girls who are big-eyed, long hair, cute, pretty, nice figure, smart, sporty and trendy. Girls like guys who are rich, tall, intelligent, handsome, gentleman, sweet, nice figure and fashionable.

I have absolutely no comments.

All I can say is, I'm still ok. I just don't like guys to cheat on me. Don't say things you can't do. Don't promise deals you can't make. Just don't make me feel - what I don't like to feel. But then again, my main motive GPA 3.5. I can't afford to fail. No no no.

Goodbye.

I love myself 10% more today. I'm improving.

"You're my secret hiding place, where my private thoughts are safe. And, just one look and he will see what's inside of me. What can I do? Tell me. What can I say? When do I let him know I feel the same way? How can my feelings be so hard to show whenI really want him to know? What can I do? Tell me. What can I say? When do I let him know I feel the same way? How can my feelings be so hard to show whenI really want him to know?"

I don't know when to start.

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