I maybe a girl, but I don't look like one. I maybe a girl, but I don't behave like one. I maybe a girl, but I don't look after myself like one. I maybe be a girl, but Toom is much more a girl than me.
Honestly, I admire him a lot. No.. It's 'she' a lot.
I have learnt lots, through his broadcasted life story. Sometimes, one need not necessarily say much to strive hard. The most important thing is.. To know your main aim in life; fight like a real man or, woman.
Somehow, I felt tiny as compared to Toom. She was much more braver. She never give up becoming her real inner self. She was neither afraid nor ashamed. In fact, she was proud of what she was. She certainly has what it takes. She shot up her own fame, ALL by herself. Indeed, this was something impressionable. Thumbs up for her!
I believe all kinds of people exist in this world. Different people have various types of characters, and personalities. Not just Toom, alone..
Actually, I envy those people who dare to stand up for their OWN rights. They fought TOUGHLY for things they want. They never give up their identities in this society. However dim their hopes were, they were still as determined as ever. This is so.. I'm speechless.
I'm a straight woman. I don't stray off in other directions. Since young, Ma has taught me to be a realistic person. I ought to only got for things that are within my means and will. I must LEARN to cultivate my determination. Only then will I be able to succeed. Like I say, I have got to make myself, have what it takes.
In my opinion, boys should only like girls. Woman should only take fancy of man. That's what I called - right. But today.. I changed my mind. There's nothing, in fact, I can do to change this fact. I have no right to alter anyone's lives. I'm just a - nobody.
Deep down inside my heart, I hope Collin and Kero will be happy forever. It does not concern me whether they are just faking or not. If they do, there's nothing I can do. To me, this is not a fagort's fairy tale. True LOVE can really happen.. Only if you trust it. I do. I'm sure Toom didn't regret her decision, either. I'm feeling joyful for her, TOO. Anything is possible, if you have the confidence and will-power.
These days, I noticed that I have changed. I have become different in all ways. I have yet revolved completely. It's just so - different. Maybe everything's changing too? At least, I supposed too. I'm grateful that I'm ablt to express my thoughts and meet real, nice pals around. There can be many friends. But, it's as hard as ROCK to find sincere buddies to go through ALL storms with you. I'm glad I know who mine were.
I have been roaming outside these days. This just struck me thinking..
I have been a darn fortunate kid. I don't have the perfect looks, or figure. I'm NOT filthy rich, and popular. But.. I have normal, NORMAL figures. This is more than enough. I'm really satisified and contented already. I REALLY don't expect much. I just NEED to brush on, for my self inferiority complex's skills. If not, I will NEVER make it in life. I can't afford to FAIL like last time. I'm NOT a rotten green apple.
I told myself I was a bright, healthy RED apple.
AND.
The most difficult thing is.. Trying not to forget who you really want to be.
I didn't, and I'm still trying like what Toom did.
I'm. So.. Don't ever give up on me. I know I can do it. I really CAN.
I KNOW that.
Honestly, I admire him a lot. No.. It's 'she' a lot.
I have learnt lots, through his broadcasted life story. Sometimes, one need not necessarily say much to strive hard. The most important thing is.. To know your main aim in life; fight like a real man or, woman.
Somehow, I felt tiny as compared to Toom. She was much more braver. She never give up becoming her real inner self. She was neither afraid nor ashamed. In fact, she was proud of what she was. She certainly has what it takes. She shot up her own fame, ALL by herself. Indeed, this was something impressionable. Thumbs up for her!
I believe all kinds of people exist in this world. Different people have various types of characters, and personalities. Not just Toom, alone..
Actually, I envy those people who dare to stand up for their OWN rights. They fought TOUGHLY for things they want. They never give up their identities in this society. However dim their hopes were, they were still as determined as ever. This is so.. I'm speechless.
I'm a straight woman. I don't stray off in other directions. Since young, Ma has taught me to be a realistic person. I ought to only got for things that are within my means and will. I must LEARN to cultivate my determination. Only then will I be able to succeed. Like I say, I have got to make myself, have what it takes.
In my opinion, boys should only like girls. Woman should only take fancy of man. That's what I called - right. But today.. I changed my mind. There's nothing, in fact, I can do to change this fact. I have no right to alter anyone's lives. I'm just a - nobody.
Deep down inside my heart, I hope Collin and Kero will be happy forever. It does not concern me whether they are just faking or not. If they do, there's nothing I can do. To me, this is not a fagort's fairy tale. True LOVE can really happen.. Only if you trust it. I do. I'm sure Toom didn't regret her decision, either. I'm feeling joyful for her, TOO. Anything is possible, if you have the confidence and will-power.
These days, I noticed that I have changed. I have become different in all ways. I have yet revolved completely. It's just so - different. Maybe everything's changing too? At least, I supposed too. I'm grateful that I'm ablt to express my thoughts and meet real, nice pals around. There can be many friends. But, it's as hard as ROCK to find sincere buddies to go through ALL storms with you. I'm glad I know who mine were.
I have been roaming outside these days. This just struck me thinking..
I have been a darn fortunate kid. I don't have the perfect looks, or figure. I'm NOT filthy rich, and popular. But.. I have normal, NORMAL figures. This is more than enough. I'm really satisified and contented already. I REALLY don't expect much. I just NEED to brush on, for my self inferiority complex's skills. If not, I will NEVER make it in life. I can't afford to FAIL like last time. I'm NOT a rotten green apple.
I told myself I was a bright, healthy RED apple.
AND.
The most difficult thing is.. Trying not to forget who you really want to be.
I didn't, and I'm still trying like what Toom did.
I'm. So.. Don't ever give up on me. I know I can do it. I really CAN.
I KNOW that.
Sometimes, I wonder if I really think too much.
But.. I always have this feeling. Most of the time, it seems accurate. Oh well. Things are never as lovely as I thought they would be. Somebody is bound to appear out of the blue. He or she will destroy everything. 'Cos nothing is perfect.
Like other girls, I do like to fall in love too. I longed to be loved, adored and cared for. But, why? Why do I always stray off like this? I retreated the moment when I'm closer to a guy. I never feel easy. I keep having the creeps. I give out every signal of 'get lost'. So, what do I want?
I can't stang myself. I can't help it by degrading myself at all times. Since young, I have always been feeling like this. The word is - LOUSY. No matter what I do, I seem to be at the losing end. I'm always being jeered. I feel that people are always looking me with merciless and, strange eyes. What's wrong, then?
Is there anything wrong with me? If not, why do I feel so low? Why can't I even have a littlw, bit of confidence in myself? I seem to lose myself. Am I blind? I'm so scared, you know. Everytime I tries to pull myself up, there will be this someone to push me down, again. They fear that I will rise up. Hence, they pinned me down before I even try to think of getting up.
Actually, the logic is very simple. But, I tend to complicate things. 'Cos I linked many, different things together. I'm extremely vexed, now. Seriously, I don't know what else to do. Neither did I expect too much, nor demand for the impossible. I'm just stuck in that fate of MINE.
I used to believe in first love at sight, and as such. Now, I don't. I know what boys are looking for. I'm NOT into one of their categories. I even have difficulties meeting normal, good friends. I'm just so anti-social. Honestly, I don't like to expose too much to the outside world. I'm just a small figure only. I have no say in anything. I'm always being led by others through the nose. Am I just so useless? Why?
I'm an introvert. The worst of the worse. Sometimes, I can't even stand myself. I'm petty, greedy, kiasu, kiasi, evil, sill, idiotic, slow in thinking, boring, lame, fat, ugly, someone who can't speak properly, etc.
Why do I care so much, when people don't even care?
Why?
There are lots more to say.
Really.
I'm just so tired, forever. Am I really beyond cure? I don't want. I have no ill intentions. But, why do I receive all these treatments? If you treat people good, he or she does not necessarily need to reciprocate your 'good' feelings. There is no need for that. In their eyes, I'm just a nobody.
A really, really, REAL nobody.
Oh well..
But.. I always have this feeling. Most of the time, it seems accurate. Oh well. Things are never as lovely as I thought they would be. Somebody is bound to appear out of the blue. He or she will destroy everything. 'Cos nothing is perfect.
Like other girls, I do like to fall in love too. I longed to be loved, adored and cared for. But, why? Why do I always stray off like this? I retreated the moment when I'm closer to a guy. I never feel easy. I keep having the creeps. I give out every signal of 'get lost'. So, what do I want?
I can't stang myself. I can't help it by degrading myself at all times. Since young, I have always been feeling like this. The word is - LOUSY. No matter what I do, I seem to be at the losing end. I'm always being jeered. I feel that people are always looking me with merciless and, strange eyes. What's wrong, then?
Is there anything wrong with me? If not, why do I feel so low? Why can't I even have a littlw, bit of confidence in myself? I seem to lose myself. Am I blind? I'm so scared, you know. Everytime I tries to pull myself up, there will be this someone to push me down, again. They fear that I will rise up. Hence, they pinned me down before I even try to think of getting up.
Actually, the logic is very simple. But, I tend to complicate things. 'Cos I linked many, different things together. I'm extremely vexed, now. Seriously, I don't know what else to do. Neither did I expect too much, nor demand for the impossible. I'm just stuck in that fate of MINE.
I used to believe in first love at sight, and as such. Now, I don't. I know what boys are looking for. I'm NOT into one of their categories. I even have difficulties meeting normal, good friends. I'm just so anti-social. Honestly, I don't like to expose too much to the outside world. I'm just a small figure only. I have no say in anything. I'm always being led by others through the nose. Am I just so useless? Why?
I'm an introvert. The worst of the worse. Sometimes, I can't even stand myself. I'm petty, greedy, kiasu, kiasi, evil, sill, idiotic, slow in thinking, boring, lame, fat, ugly, someone who can't speak properly, etc.
Why do I care so much, when people don't even care?
Why?
There are lots more to say.
Really.
I'm just so tired, forever. Am I really beyond cure? I don't want. I have no ill intentions. But, why do I receive all these treatments? If you treat people good, he or she does not necessarily need to reciprocate your 'good' feelings. There is no need for that. In their eyes, I'm just a nobody.
A really, really, REAL nobody.
Oh well..
Times really passed. School's going to start, again next week, in the blink of an eye. And.. I will have to drag myself to that world of pretence. Oh how lovely. Somehow, I just hope I can vanish into the thin air, right now. I'm so darned DEAD tired.
The JB camp was alright. It was like alright. As usual, I know many people. But.. I'm never the social type. I'm just an empty shell; so quiet and JUST quiet AGAIN. Unlike others, I don't mind silence. I can stay like that for as long as I like. I do LIKE to talk. But, I wouldn't if I don't feel like to.
Honestly, I don't like about camps. 'Cos they have always been the same. Since young, this WHOLE idea just struck me.. completely BLANK. And..
The MAIN reason is - IT'S SO DARNED FAKE!
Occasionally, I will wave and say hi if I 'happen' to meet these camp friends within the school compound. Other than that, I guess I wouldn't be bothered. It will just be a BIG good-bye to them. (Or rather, in any other ways.)
Actually, I'm quite selfish and inner-oriented. I'm sorry, but I'm just like THIS. Ops.. Sheesh. Sometimes, i just can't help it by saying all these craps. I know they are bullshits, though.
In my opinion, I think that the main objective of the camp isn't there at all. 'Cos.. FIRST, there are 107 ccas in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. SECOND, Environmental Rangers Society is a club with no skills at all. People were already looking us in a weird way. Like I say, the name of the club always speak itself. It's FUNNY to have such club existing. Let alone all those management people?
Also, for Ninja-do. Honestly with NO offence, I wonder what the hell is going on. I have no conflicts with all martial arts groups. I'm NOT as indifferent as those historical people from the past. I have no wish to know of what exactly happened to strike off the bad flames between Tae-kwan-do and Ninja-do. WHAT I want to know is WHY isn't Mark OR Derrick doing anything? I know they are NOT bothered. But, don't they feel disorganised? Actually, there are tons that they don't know. I just don't want the club to shrink anymore. I know we can't afford to lose any of our LOYAL members.
I'm an extremely paronoid person. I get worried over every single little details, OR things. I'm a deep and extra thinker. I'm just being TOO overly sensitive to comments being passed around. I'm a snob. It's sad, you know?
I merely just WANT to be a better person; to be respected, loved and cared by others. I wanted to do many other things. But, i jutst can't.. My strengths are limited. I'm just a human, after all. That's the most crucial fact.
I belong to the feminine's side. Naturally, I will act cute, especially in front of opposite sexes. I'm NOT implying that I like to flirt or I'M now. It's just that I always got this STRANGE feeling, la. Maybe once again.. I think TOO, TOO, TOO much. Perhaps.
Hopefully, I'm WRONG la. I don't want to care so much about these, anyway.. I'm far too busy. Oh well..
I keep saying I wnat to be a better person. Yet, I still repeat and commit the SAME mistakes all over AND over, again. Why? Why am I like this? How do I STOP myself from becoming like this? I really wish to see no more. I want to be a sweet and polite girl. I want to be the model girl-next-door whom everybody will take reference of me as a ROLE MODEL. I must get my feelings captured.
So.. From now on, I must/should
The JB camp was alright. It was like alright. As usual, I know many people. But.. I'm never the social type. I'm just an empty shell; so quiet and JUST quiet AGAIN. Unlike others, I don't mind silence. I can stay like that for as long as I like. I do LIKE to talk. But, I wouldn't if I don't feel like to.
Honestly, I don't like about camps. 'Cos they have always been the same. Since young, this WHOLE idea just struck me.. completely BLANK. And..
The MAIN reason is - IT'S SO DARNED FAKE!
Occasionally, I will wave and say hi if I 'happen' to meet these camp friends within the school compound. Other than that, I guess I wouldn't be bothered. It will just be a BIG good-bye to them. (Or rather, in any other ways.)
Actually, I'm quite selfish and inner-oriented. I'm sorry, but I'm just like THIS. Ops.. Sheesh. Sometimes, i just can't help it by saying all these craps. I know they are bullshits, though.
In my opinion, I think that the main objective of the camp isn't there at all. 'Cos.. FIRST, there are 107 ccas in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. SECOND, Environmental Rangers Society is a club with no skills at all. People were already looking us in a weird way. Like I say, the name of the club always speak itself. It's FUNNY to have such club existing. Let alone all those management people?
Also, for Ninja-do. Honestly with NO offence, I wonder what the hell is going on. I have no conflicts with all martial arts groups. I'm NOT as indifferent as those historical people from the past. I have no wish to know of what exactly happened to strike off the bad flames between Tae-kwan-do and Ninja-do. WHAT I want to know is WHY isn't Mark OR Derrick doing anything? I know they are NOT bothered. But, don't they feel disorganised? Actually, there are tons that they don't know. I just don't want the club to shrink anymore. I know we can't afford to lose any of our LOYAL members.
I'm an extremely paronoid person. I get worried over every single little details, OR things. I'm a deep and extra thinker. I'm just being TOO overly sensitive to comments being passed around. I'm a snob. It's sad, you know?
I merely just WANT to be a better person; to be respected, loved and cared by others. I wanted to do many other things. But, i jutst can't.. My strengths are limited. I'm just a human, after all. That's the most crucial fact.
I belong to the feminine's side. Naturally, I will act cute, especially in front of opposite sexes. I'm NOT implying that I like to flirt or I'M now. It's just that I always got this STRANGE feeling, la. Maybe once again.. I think TOO, TOO, TOO much. Perhaps.
Hopefully, I'm WRONG la. I don't want to care so much about these, anyway.. I'm far too busy. Oh well..
I keep saying I wnat to be a better person. Yet, I still repeat and commit the SAME mistakes all over AND over, again. Why? Why am I like this? How do I STOP myself from becoming like this? I really wish to see no more. I want to be a sweet and polite girl. I want to be the model girl-next-door whom everybody will take reference of me as a ROLE MODEL. I must get my feelings captured.
So.. From now on, I must/should
- Stop talking BAD THINGS about people.
- Control my thinking and, behaviours.
- Respect OTHERS.
- Don't talk back or ill of OTHERS.
- Don't flirt with boys and, men.
- Avoid giving people the impression that I also like him/ her.
- Start to SAVE and NOT TO SPEND.
- Save power (lights, etc)
- Don't WASTE food.
- Be a dilligent student who only knows how to study.
- Have MORE confidence in myself.
- I'll add on if I managed to think MORE.
- NEVER be lovesick OR boys' crazy.
- Don't use vulgarities.
- ....
Right now, I'm so tired. My brain has ceased to function long ago. Oh well. I'm sleeping now. Maybe I will add on when I'm free. I miss my mother a lot.
Dear,
How are you?
It has been a long time since I talked to you, again. Life has been 'great' for me. I have been through what I ought to know. That strong, sudden urge is not there, anymore. Perhaps.. I have grown up, finally.
After all, life is not just all about love. There are indeed, many other things to purse in one's life. Thank you so much. I'm happy that I know you. Everything was so nice, then. What you left has imprinted me. I am a duplicate of you. Time has yet prove me wrong.
I am still feeling tired. Do you know so many things have happened all these while? You weren't with. But, it's alright. I'm used to it, anymore. I just feel like getting things all off my chest, that's all. I'm not thinking too much. No worries then. I'm just ok.
Honestly, I get what you mean. What is not yours, will never be yours. I'm still like before; a naive and wilful little girl. No.. I'm a woman now. Remember I have evolved already, ya? Haha. In my opinion, sweet things should only be kept short and simple. I have always been like this. No wonder I lost many of my friends and hurt tons of purest hearts.
But, why? Why do I still like this, now? Why am I abusing my freedom to torture others? I'm such a failure. Maybe.. I really deserved all the miseries, right now. I'm just so tired. When can I ever get to have a rest? I seriously need it can. Oh..
I used to think that I loved you a lot. In the end, I was wrong. I cannot even differentiate the true feelings of mine. I'm just so terrible. I used to think of death everyday when you leave me. In the end, I woke up. Life is not all just about love. I don't need to envy others. I used to dream of being with you. In the end, I realised that heaven and earth can never meet. That's why it's impossible.
I really know what I'm supposed to do, now. Sometimes, I still kind of miss you, too. It's just a typical missing taste of someone whom I know for a very long time. What's gone can never be found back, once more. I really learnt that. It made me went through a lot.
Right now, I appreciate the silence of life. I love the sounds of nature and wails of the seas. It made me find back myself, and be satisified with happiness. I'm not like a battering ram, as compared to back then. I'm back to myself.. I hope you are happy, also.
Sometimes, I still get steamed up. Occasionally, I become indifferent, too. Nevertheless, I'm learning. Like before, I just need the time; kindly more of them please. According to Astrology And Horoscopes, I often give the impression of being very self-confident but yet, I'm not. My appearance is capable of fooling the public, 'cos I'm just as insecure as others and a liitle bit better at covering my plastic mask up.
I admit I'm. I'm not good at deceit or pretence.
I'm just a human; a normal one. So.. I'm just a selfish brat at times. I'm really an extremely competitive woman. I get on people's nerve easily. I did stupid and, silly things and as such. I cannot be led or compelled but, easily deceived or seduced. This sounds ironic, though. Whatever it is, I just need to do my job as a human properly will do. It's certainly more than enough.
I had lots of conflicts and disputes with many people. But, I do care and mind a lot. It's just that I pretend I don't.. 'Cos I don't how to pretend I do. I'm grateful to true, sincere friends who are there for me. Being there does not really mean there physically. It can be in various forms. You know I know can le. At least, I know you first.
I'm grateful to boys who like or love me. But sadly to say, I don't. They are just boys, small ones.
Maybe I have yet attained that maturity level, now. Or rather, I still prefer you? I don't like the feeling of rejection. It means people turn you down 'cos of other reasons. It makes one hurt, disappoined, sad and angry. I know. I really do. But, I have no choice, either. Maybe relationships need planning I suppose.
Actually, till today, I'm still lacking in tons of confidence. I always lose myself 'cos I don't trust myself. i always have this feeling that people are always looking at me, be it in school, work or when I'm walking out onto streets. I really don't know why.
There seem to have eyes wandering all about me, from head to toe. Maybe I'm too paranoid, I guess? I want to be a better person. I can be one I believe. I just need more time, seriously. I decided to talk less and think more. Success is not a matter of words. It is a built up of courage, determination, efforts and personal self. I know I can.
I will be a better woman, for myself.
Lastly, I still love you and, please bless my family while you are up there. I'm really very happy then when we are together. It's ok we are not meant to be. I will find and be happier with someone in the future. Still, I treasured and engraved those memories deep inside me. I'm locking my heart, now.
Be in peace.
How are you?
It has been a long time since I talked to you, again. Life has been 'great' for me. I have been through what I ought to know. That strong, sudden urge is not there, anymore. Perhaps.. I have grown up, finally.
After all, life is not just all about love. There are indeed, many other things to purse in one's life. Thank you so much. I'm happy that I know you. Everything was so nice, then. What you left has imprinted me. I am a duplicate of you. Time has yet prove me wrong.
I am still feeling tired. Do you know so many things have happened all these while? You weren't with. But, it's alright. I'm used to it, anymore. I just feel like getting things all off my chest, that's all. I'm not thinking too much. No worries then. I'm just ok.
Honestly, I get what you mean. What is not yours, will never be yours. I'm still like before; a naive and wilful little girl. No.. I'm a woman now. Remember I have evolved already, ya? Haha. In my opinion, sweet things should only be kept short and simple. I have always been like this. No wonder I lost many of my friends and hurt tons of purest hearts.
But, why? Why do I still like this, now? Why am I abusing my freedom to torture others? I'm such a failure. Maybe.. I really deserved all the miseries, right now. I'm just so tired. When can I ever get to have a rest? I seriously need it can. Oh..
I used to think that I loved you a lot. In the end, I was wrong. I cannot even differentiate the true feelings of mine. I'm just so terrible. I used to think of death everyday when you leave me. In the end, I woke up. Life is not all just about love. I don't need to envy others. I used to dream of being with you. In the end, I realised that heaven and earth can never meet. That's why it's impossible.
I really know what I'm supposed to do, now. Sometimes, I still kind of miss you, too. It's just a typical missing taste of someone whom I know for a very long time. What's gone can never be found back, once more. I really learnt that. It made me went through a lot.
Right now, I appreciate the silence of life. I love the sounds of nature and wails of the seas. It made me find back myself, and be satisified with happiness. I'm not like a battering ram, as compared to back then. I'm back to myself.. I hope you are happy, also.
Sometimes, I still get steamed up. Occasionally, I become indifferent, too. Nevertheless, I'm learning. Like before, I just need the time; kindly more of them please. According to Astrology And Horoscopes, I often give the impression of being very self-confident but yet, I'm not. My appearance is capable of fooling the public, 'cos I'm just as insecure as others and a liitle bit better at covering my plastic mask up.
I admit I'm. I'm not good at deceit or pretence.
I'm just a human; a normal one. So.. I'm just a selfish brat at times. I'm really an extremely competitive woman. I get on people's nerve easily. I did stupid and, silly things and as such. I cannot be led or compelled but, easily deceived or seduced. This sounds ironic, though. Whatever it is, I just need to do my job as a human properly will do. It's certainly more than enough.
I had lots of conflicts and disputes with many people. But, I do care and mind a lot. It's just that I pretend I don't.. 'Cos I don't how to pretend I do. I'm grateful to true, sincere friends who are there for me. Being there does not really mean there physically. It can be in various forms. You know I know can le. At least, I know you first.
I'm grateful to boys who like or love me. But sadly to say, I don't. They are just boys, small ones.
Maybe I have yet attained that maturity level, now. Or rather, I still prefer you? I don't like the feeling of rejection. It means people turn you down 'cos of other reasons. It makes one hurt, disappoined, sad and angry. I know. I really do. But, I have no choice, either. Maybe relationships need planning I suppose.
Actually, till today, I'm still lacking in tons of confidence. I always lose myself 'cos I don't trust myself. i always have this feeling that people are always looking at me, be it in school, work or when I'm walking out onto streets. I really don't know why.
There seem to have eyes wandering all about me, from head to toe. Maybe I'm too paranoid, I guess? I want to be a better person. I can be one I believe. I just need more time, seriously. I decided to talk less and think more. Success is not a matter of words. It is a built up of courage, determination, efforts and personal self. I know I can.
I will be a better woman, for myself.
Lastly, I still love you and, please bless my family while you are up there. I'm really very happy then when we are together. It's ok we are not meant to be. I will find and be happier with someone in the future. Still, I treasured and engraved those memories deep inside me. I'm locking my heart, now.
Be in peace.
