smallminded;

My fresh ideas seem to run out. And suddenly, I thought of him. And I said, "Why not I write a story about him?"

And here I go..

It has been ages since I last saw him. Alvin had been one of the most serious guy I ever met. He was a fun-loving chap. He can make me laugh and smile. And.. he used to be my everything. If I'm not wrong, Alvin is a Singaporean. His father is from Hong Kong and his mother is from an ang-mo country. That explains his surname. Currently, he's pursuing his Media & Communication diploma in Singapore Polytechnic.

Alvin is a skater-boy. He's also great in ice-skating. That's his most superb skill I guess. And.. he had a band, called 'Orange Socks'. He should be the guitarist.

In the past, Alvin was really nice to me. Seriously, I can’t really remember how we met. I just know that the 2 of us have had been classmates for an entire 2 years. Throughout these days, we argued most of the time. Alvin was sitting directly in front of me.

I guess I was indeed too childish, then. We often ‘fought’ in a sense. But.. i should be the one who is always hitting him all the time. Poor ‘Alvin’. Often, Alvin would turn his back around and tease me. If not, he will talk or ask me Mathematics and Chinese questions. We are 2 noisy kids. We had dirty talks. We talked everything under the sun. we were just 2 innocent children who had are as carefree as birds. However so, I’m the temperate one. I would often cry or get angry in class with him. He will forever be the one to comfort me when I did not do well for my papers, when he himself did not do very well, either .

He drew on my book. He pinched my cheeks. He joked with me. He sang to me. He ate with me. He was the best companion ever I should say. There were still many other things but I can’t remember. All I can say is those 2 years were sweet memories I will keep forever.

Alvin Cheang Kum Ho is a friend I will never forget.

All these change overnight when he told me he liked me. It was at the end of Secondary 2. Initially, I was shocked. I mean.. why? He had better choices and other girls like him too. So, I rejected him. 2 reasons.. first, I just broke off with Ho Ken, his best friend then. Second, I don’t want to play with his heart.

Even so, he was still as nice as ever to me. I was a princess, then. Until Secondary 3, I decided to accept and start all things over. I did try and we had blissful months ahead. Then, he was sweet, gentle-man and caring. I like him for his everything. I never thought a guy could treat me so good. He still drew and wrote poems for me. That’s really more than enough. Furthermore, I can sense he liked me more than I liked him.

Thus, the better he treated me, the guiltier I got. I didn’t know if I really loved him. Somehow, it was a joke that heaven has played on me. Actually, I couldn’t really accept him as I wasn’t even ready. I couldn’t forget Hao. Yet, I still got together with Alvin. It's very unfair to him. Indeed, I was very selfish.

For what, I do not know. I have no idea why am I like this. I have let Alvin and Hao down. I seemed to be a traitor. A big one..

In the end, I still broke off with Alvin. I knew he was very sad. But, so was I. But, I guess he never knows. He will never know cos I have never told him my true feelings before. 2 of his best friends even shouted me nasty names after learning our break-up. I think he misunderstood me. Still, what more can I do?

Nothing..

Even though we had broken off, Alvin was still as nice as ever to me. It’s as if the 2 of us were still together even we were not. I’m just stating my opinions in my own stand. Perhaps what he felt back then is different? We will never know.

I was such a swuay-ku. My first Sakae Sushi trip was with him and I got addicted ever since. Also, he taught me Physics and I managed a C6 eventually. Woohoo! But, that’s in the past I guess.

Somehow, I still feel that Alvin likes me and he still likes me more than I like him, then. Yet, I still kept away cos I didn’t not want to hurt him with my fickle-minded mind. I need to get over my own haunted past first. I had to. Occasionally, he will sms me ‘weird’ things. I got the hints but pretended that I didn’t. I was in chaos. Or maybe I really did think too much.

Today, I wonder if he will remember what he told me back then. He said he would wait for me.

Honestly, I mark his words deeply in my mind. I told myself to faster get done over with my grief. I can’t keep Alvin waiting, then. After O’ levels, I didn’t contact him. I was busy working and earning big bucks. And.. it was then that I lost him, completely. I didn't even know. Eventually, he got together with a skater-girl. She was from Crescent Girls’ School.

I didn’t know all along until I saw him in Millennia Institute during my first 3 months. She was in National Junior College, then. Instantly, I was filled with disappointed when I learnt it. I mean.. why was I the last to know? Why was he with a skater-girl? Eventually, Alvin even became a Christian and had opened a blog. It was very surprising that he became a Christian. He never used to trust God at all, back then. Yet, now he became a Christian and I think part of the main reason is because of her – that skater-girl.

I felt betrayed. Everyday, I would pray in silence that the 2 of them will break off faster. They will never last cos I personally feel that Girls’ School girls are those typical flirty types. I know this is a dumb stereotype I have. I just hated her. Secretly. I also went to look at her blog through Alvin’s blog links. I wanted to see how long they can last. I know I’m very evil yet I can’t help it. I’m very jealous when Alvin called her those cute pet names and waited outside her school gate for her, especially.

Deep inside, I’m very sad. I thought he said that he would wait for me and when I was ready, he was already gone. He had chosen to let go off me and find somebody else. Alvin did that.

Alvin was gone, right in front of my eyes.

I took initiatives to ask him out too. But, he’s always not free then. Oneday, he saw me together with Wei Wen, another guy I just knew from the Institute. The 3 of us banged into each other. And.. you know what Alvin said?

“Wa.. new boyfriend, again ar?”

It makes me sad and angry. Then, I got closer to Wei Wen and just walked off without even saying bye to Alvin. I ignored him. His eyes were indifferent. He didn’t even care if I was with another guy or what. I was out of the game. He’s really totally in love with her, that Crescent girl.

The next day, I saw Alvin with his group of friends. He literally asked me about Wei Wen as my boyfriend. I was also indifferent. And he said this.

“Aiya.. you’re like that de ma. You always get crazy when you see boys. It’s normal.”

I was like so mad. What does he treat me as? I merely just want him to get jealous yet he thought I like to flirt with other guys. Alvin Cheang is so gay can!

Then after that, I didn’t see him anymore. It was shortly after the actual release of O’ level results when I see him again. I thought of the days when we had O’ levels papers in the school hall. He would walk up to me and shake my hands and murmured ‘good luck’ to me.

That’s the past, I told and slapped myself hard.

After collecting the results, I broke down and cried. I can’t get into a junior college. Then, I walked alone to a corner and cried silently. Alvin walked to me and asked how I fared. I didn’t answer. Then, his hand phone rang. He walked off to answer it. it must be her calling him. After that, I took a bus home with Alvin and his friends. They were going to Beauty World to play Counterstrike.

Along the way, Alvin did comfort me again saying this and that like an old grandfather like that. Later, I asked him for his girlfriend picture and he showed me his wallet. He kept saying that she’s cute and pretty with nice eyes.

On well..

That’s all I guess.

Then, we 2 embarked on a totally different new journey. I was into Logistics Management in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. He was away, finally. After 4 long enduring years, finally we got separated. Then we always arranged to meet up but aeroplanes were being flown between us. We 2 never got to meet and eat our Sakae Sushi.

Today, Alvin is still into skate boarding. For me, I’m into martial arts and the environment.

Basically, I have nothing more to say. All I can say is..

Alvin Cheang Kum Ho is still a friend I will never forget.

Whatever happens in the future, it’s all up to heaven’s fate. I do not have nothing more to expect. I only wish that Alvin will never forget my birthday and wish me every year, forever. It’s ok that we don’t’meet. But, I really hope that he will remember me.

That’s all.

Alvin Cheang.. if you happen to read this, then good. If not, too bad I guess. Goodbye!