I would be lying if I say I'm happy now.
I'm not, not at all.
I would be lying if I say I don't miss or think of him.
But, why?
I would be lying if I say I enjoy school.
I'm dragging my steps daily to the place of pretence.
I would be lying if I say I like all of my friends.
I really don't know who are the true ones.
I would be lying if I say I'm not lost.
In fact, I'm very.
I would be lying if I say I enjoy training.
Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm doing.
I would be lying if I say I can be alone.
I mean I can prefer to be alone, only.
I would be lying if everything is going on well.
It's really not.
I would be lying if I want to rope into the next main committee.
In fact, I wana quit and disappear now.
In my life right now, there are really really a lot of lies.
I'm packed with imaginary promises from all over.
I feel like an ugly girl.
I hate myself to be such a country pumpkin.
If I were to live life all over again, I wonder how will that be?
I hate LimXueYanJoyce.
She gave me a false reality. She made me hate the world.
I'm not, not at all.
I would be lying if I say I don't miss or think of him.
But, why?
I would be lying if I say I enjoy school.
I'm dragging my steps daily to the place of pretence.
I would be lying if I say I like all of my friends.
I really don't know who are the true ones.
I would be lying if I say I'm not lost.
In fact, I'm very.
I would be lying if I say I enjoy training.
Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm doing.
I would be lying if I say I can be alone.
I mean I can prefer to be alone, only.
I would be lying if everything is going on well.
It's really not.
I would be lying if I want to rope into the next main committee.
In fact, I wana quit and disappear now.
In my life right now, there are really really a lot of lies.
I'm packed with imaginary promises from all over.
I feel like an ugly girl.
I hate myself to be such a country pumpkin.
If I were to live life all over again, I wonder how will that be?
I hate LimXueYanJoyce.
She gave me a false reality. She made me hate the world.
You used to be my best friend..
But, why?
I have lost count the number of times I cried for you. You made my heart bleed dry.
I wish that I was somebody else.
But, why?
I have lost count the number of times I cried for you. You made my heart bleed dry.
I wish that I was somebody else.
The memory is still intact
0 Comments Published by grumbly_mon on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 4:18 PM.
Sometimes, it's really perfect to lose your memory.
In life, there are a few things which can never be erased off from our mind. Be it one, two days or three, four years. From the very moment the day the memory is being stored inside your mind, it will forever be there. Cos it's embedded and craved deep inside your heart.
You can never erase it off. Never..
And, the truth is that, I didn’t manage too.
How I hope one day I will really lose my memory along with yours. Given a chance if I were to live life all over again, I will never ever want to meet you.
Certain things hurt and haunt you eternally. Mind that.
Cos I’m a girl.
In life, there are a few things which can never be erased off from our mind. Be it one, two days or three, four years. From the very moment the day the memory is being stored inside your mind, it will forever be there. Cos it's embedded and craved deep inside your heart.
You can never erase it off. Never..
And, the truth is that, I didn’t manage too.
How I hope one day I will really lose my memory along with yours. Given a chance if I were to live life all over again, I will never ever want to meet you.
Certain things hurt and haunt you eternally. Mind that.
Cos I’m a girl.
Yesterday had been a most scary day for me.
Somehow, I almost died. Luckily, I survived. Honestly, I'm kinda surprised that there are many people who care for me. It's just that everything happened too fast. Maybe I wasn't really ready for anything. Or, perhaps I'm just too weak in health..
These few days, I have been coughing like mad. Adding that my eyes kept tearing for nothing, even though I have no flu. Life has been bad for me. It's really terrible to be sick. To me, it's as if I'm lying on a bed of broken glasses. That feeling hurts. I hate that, simply.
If I'm not wrong, I was still coughing continuously and went to toilet shortly after ERS meeting at clubhouse. On my way back, I felt my legs go jelly. Initially, I thought it was nothing. Then, I went inside clubhouse again. Suddenly, I felt cold and the noise levels gradually rose till I felt giddy. That's why I went outside clubhouse and coughed.
It was then.. I literally felt both of my legs numb. I couldn't move and tried to sit against the wall. Then, both of my hands also went numb. I felt pain all over and was really having difficulty in breathing. At that instant, my heart stopped and I felt real, real scared. I wanted to cry. I really felt helpless.
Then, Jane and Angelina (as far as I remember) came outside to me and ask if I was ok. I said I wasn't and asked 1 of them to help me get an inhaler from Christopher Choo. Unfortunately, Choo didn't bring it yesterday. And, I was like dying. I thought I had an asthma attack. And, it's like AGAIN if Jin Quan and the rest hear it. Lol..
People start crowding around and I keep hearing, "Are you okay?".. "Hey, what happened?"..
But, I can't even open my eyes, let alone see what's happening. I just felt giddy and weak and difficulty in breathing with those numbness all over. Some first aiders came and attended to me. I'm thankful even though I don't even know them. They tried to lay me flat on the ground and massaged my numb areas for me. In the meantime, I kept hearing voices from everywhere and felt really dizzy and wanted to vomit. After a while of struggle, I was feeling better. People made me sit on a chair and talked nicely to me. A girl in front of me asked me not to panic and breathe along with her. Soon, I felt my airway was more open and I was really feeling better. All the numbness disappeared gradually, too.
However so, I was kinda giddy and too lost for anything. It was then I saw 2 or 3 blue man approaching. I thought they were police cos it was too dark for me to see clearly. Actually, they turned up to be 995 paramedics. I'm surprised an ambulance was called. Seems like everything looked far too serious. Then, they "spot-checked" to see if I was feeling alright. Then, they also asked to go with them to the hospital for a thorough check-up. I was feeling scared cos I hate that place. It reminds me of injections and my childhood. I grew up, having countless diffculties-in-breathing encounters..
In the end, I signed a form which proves that I declined to go to hospital with them and off they went. It was then I felt blur. It's like where was I, who am I, etc. Suddenly, I really couldn't remember anything. My brain seems to stop functioning for a while.
I actually couldn't remember what was my name. I just know that I'm called Joyce but I forgot where I live and all my other personal particulars. I tried recalling but in avail. Then, I saw weird faces around me. I felt even more scared as well as puzzled. It's like who-are-they and what-are-they-doing-around-me..
I saw Jane, Han Sheng, etc. I knew who they were. But, I just forgot their names too. It's so fair you couldn't remember someone who looked yet, so familar to you. That's how I felt, then. I'm kinda giddy and felt my whole going lighter. Everything looked so blur to me. I wanted to go home seriously. I need my mother..
After quite sometime, then I realised who these people were and what were their names. And, according to them, I suddenly seem to have a temporary head memory loss. In serious term, this means "temporarily head concussion" even though I didn't hit my head onto anything.. After that, my mama and ah ma came and fetched me. And, I went home and they took me to see a doctor.
Doctor Yap was nice. He said I had just been through a high tension something something. Blah blah blah.. So, after all along, I didn't have asthma attacks. It's just an anxiety disorder. These factor below trigger my condition.
- Fear
- Anger
- Agitation
Guess it's really time for me to relax. If not, thing will get out of hand someday and I can't turn back. Now, I just hope everything will be healthier and happier for me everyday.
Goodnights.
Somehow, I almost died. Luckily, I survived. Honestly, I'm kinda surprised that there are many people who care for me. It's just that everything happened too fast. Maybe I wasn't really ready for anything. Or, perhaps I'm just too weak in health..
These few days, I have been coughing like mad. Adding that my eyes kept tearing for nothing, even though I have no flu. Life has been bad for me. It's really terrible to be sick. To me, it's as if I'm lying on a bed of broken glasses. That feeling hurts. I hate that, simply.
If I'm not wrong, I was still coughing continuously and went to toilet shortly after ERS meeting at clubhouse. On my way back, I felt my legs go jelly. Initially, I thought it was nothing. Then, I went inside clubhouse again. Suddenly, I felt cold and the noise levels gradually rose till I felt giddy. That's why I went outside clubhouse and coughed.
It was then.. I literally felt both of my legs numb. I couldn't move and tried to sit against the wall. Then, both of my hands also went numb. I felt pain all over and was really having difficulty in breathing. At that instant, my heart stopped and I felt real, real scared. I wanted to cry. I really felt helpless.
Then, Jane and Angelina (as far as I remember) came outside to me and ask if I was ok. I said I wasn't and asked 1 of them to help me get an inhaler from Christopher Choo. Unfortunately, Choo didn't bring it yesterday. And, I was like dying. I thought I had an asthma attack. And, it's like AGAIN if Jin Quan and the rest hear it. Lol..
People start crowding around and I keep hearing, "Are you okay?".. "Hey, what happened?"..
But, I can't even open my eyes, let alone see what's happening. I just felt giddy and weak and difficulty in breathing with those numbness all over. Some first aiders came and attended to me. I'm thankful even though I don't even know them. They tried to lay me flat on the ground and massaged my numb areas for me. In the meantime, I kept hearing voices from everywhere and felt really dizzy and wanted to vomit. After a while of struggle, I was feeling better. People made me sit on a chair and talked nicely to me. A girl in front of me asked me not to panic and breathe along with her. Soon, I felt my airway was more open and I was really feeling better. All the numbness disappeared gradually, too.
However so, I was kinda giddy and too lost for anything. It was then I saw 2 or 3 blue man approaching. I thought they were police cos it was too dark for me to see clearly. Actually, they turned up to be 995 paramedics. I'm surprised an ambulance was called. Seems like everything looked far too serious. Then, they "spot-checked" to see if I was feeling alright. Then, they also asked to go with them to the hospital for a thorough check-up. I was feeling scared cos I hate that place. It reminds me of injections and my childhood. I grew up, having countless diffculties-in-breathing encounters..
In the end, I signed a form which proves that I declined to go to hospital with them and off they went. It was then I felt blur. It's like where was I, who am I, etc. Suddenly, I really couldn't remember anything. My brain seems to stop functioning for a while.
I actually couldn't remember what was my name. I just know that I'm called Joyce but I forgot where I live and all my other personal particulars. I tried recalling but in avail. Then, I saw weird faces around me. I felt even more scared as well as puzzled. It's like who-are-they and what-are-they-doing-around-me..
I saw Jane, Han Sheng, etc. I knew who they were. But, I just forgot their names too. It's so fair you couldn't remember someone who looked yet, so familar to you. That's how I felt, then. I'm kinda giddy and felt my whole going lighter. Everything looked so blur to me. I wanted to go home seriously. I need my mother..
After quite sometime, then I realised who these people were and what were their names. And, according to them, I suddenly seem to have a temporary head memory loss. In serious term, this means "temporarily head concussion" even though I didn't hit my head onto anything.. After that, my mama and ah ma came and fetched me. And, I went home and they took me to see a doctor.
Doctor Yap was nice. He said I had just been through a high tension something something. Blah blah blah.. So, after all along, I didn't have asthma attacks. It's just an anxiety disorder. These factor below trigger my condition.
- Fear
- Anger
- Agitation
Guess it's really time for me to relax. If not, thing will get out of hand someday and I can't turn back. Now, I just hope everything will be healthier and happier for me everyday.
Goodnights.
